Life will embrace you and amaze you. Happy 2010. :-)

I was trying to think of a good song to start the year with. I know a lot of people who've had a rather crappy year this year, whether it be in work, or love, or family, or school, or health, or pets etc. etc. Just alll variety of crapitude. So here are the three songs I chose. I was going to introduce them, but really they speak for themselves, and combined, make up my new years' message. :-) And remember: To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance!

Alicia Keys "The Thing About Love"


Bette Midler "The Rose" - As one youtuber wrote: "i'm not much 4 sappy songs but this 1 is awesome if u don't like it fuck you and ur black heart."


Edith Piaf "Je ne regrette rien" - My husband says this is his theme song.

The old year: The horror, the horror.

Check out Jezebel's Photoshop of Horrors: Best of 2001-2009.

And their year's 10 Best Cover Lies.

Vaginal Insecurity?

A second point from the New York Times article I quoted yesterday is that more women are, apparently, having vaginal plastic surgery: "Plastic surgeons have said that a newfound interest in “vaginal rejuvenation” is due to widespread images on television, films, the Internet and in magazines. Women have become conscious of how their own genital features stack up against others’."

Oh my Lord. Here's a passage from a plastic surgery site (cosmeticsurgeryconsultants.co.uk):

Sometimes how a woman thinks she looks in the vaginal region can have devastating effects on her life. It can reduce her sexual desire and excitement, ruin her love life, spoil her self-esteem, or cause discomfort. An increasing number of women are opting for plastic surgery on their vagina, citing discomfort during sport, embarrassment during sex and of course aesthetic reasons as prime motivating factors, the latter giving rise to the term designer vagina.

Many women are now seeking cosmetic vaginal surgery to restore self-esteem, recreate sexual excitement, and rejuvenate their love lives. Women who have had the surgery say it has transformed their lives.

Devastating self-esteem issues because of how your vagina looks? Outside of some sort of medical problem, or maybe over-plasticity from having 20 kids? Considering how little is known about vaginal chronic pain conditions like vulvodynia and vestibulitis (I have the latter) this seems like a very, very bad idea to me. You do not want to frak with the nerves in this area. Shiver me timbers! Don't fix what ain't broke!

Artist Mimosa Pale's vaginacycle!

Sex From the Womb to the Tomb

Interesting point from a New York Times article about how the "male gaze" still dominates movies and TV, and therefore the way we see sex:

Lenore Tiefer, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York University Medical Center and a sex therapist, complained about “the standardization of sex.”

“Everybody has to like sex, want sex, be good at sex,” she added. “In the face of that, it’s inevitable that people feel insecure.”...

Not propositioning anyone this week or engaging in passionate love before the dinner dishes are cleared? Perhaps it’s because you have a low sex drive or wear a size larger than 2. ...

In 2003 The British Medical Journal published an article that called female sexual dysfunction “the freshest, clearest example we have” of a disease created by pharmaceutical companies. The author, Roy Moynihan, pointed out that two scientists who had publicized information on this so-called affliction had financial ties to Pfizer, which was developing a drug for the condition.

In reality, scientists understand very little about female desire and the interaction between the mind and the body.

“I’m happy if women 50, 60, 70 have sex,” Dr. Tiefer said, explaining that what she objects to is the stigma that has become associated with not sharing those feelings and sensations. The problem is “the mandatory participation in high-frequency, high-pleasure, high-desire culture,” she said, the pressure to have “sex womb to tomb.” ["From vibrator to Cougar Town, it's still a man's world."]

My kinda guy: Laughing Buddha

Writing about Santa made me wonder about other popular fat people, which made me think of Chubby Buddha statues. Which made me think: Buddha was chubby?? The dude fasted all the time! So I googled C.B. and found out he's not the Siddhartha buddha dude:

Budai (Chinese: 布袋; pinyin: bùdài), pronounced Hotei in Japanese, is a Chinese folkloric deity. His name means "Cloth Sack," and comes from the bag that he carries. He is almost always shown smiling or laughing, hence his nickname in Chinese, the Laughing Buddha (Chinese: 笑佛). In English speaking countries, he is popularly known also as the Fat Buddha.

In one tradition he...

is taken to represent many important teachings and messages, including contentment, generosity, wisdom and open kindheartedness. ...He helps people realize the essence within, which connects with all beings. and he fosters the realization of tolerance, generosity and contentment; thus, he helps to bring heaven to earth.

Sounds like a sweetie.

The week ahead

Here's to you Santa!

One of the most popular and loved fat people on the planet! (Possibly matched by Chubby Buddha.)

The Shanty Where Santy Claus Lives from 1933

Picking on the skinny people!

I was watching a bit of Brent Butt stand-up (he of the Corner Gas fame) and heard a real novelty--a comedian picking on skinny people.

He's watching a really skinny squeegee kid wearing an "anarchy" t-shirt, and comments on the kid's support of anarchy, and picturing how he would fare in a Mad Max like anarchic setting:

"Have you thought this through? All 74 lbs of you? ...You're gonna be the hood ornament on a dune buggy by day two. A 300 lb biker will be eating soup out of your skull."

Where the Boys Are

I've been watching Welcome Back, Kotter reruns this week. And I also love The A-Team. But I don't think my obsession is with 80s shows, but with Groups of Boys: A tv/movie group of about 4 guys, each a sort of caricature, who constantly hang out together. I also love Entourage for that reason, and the best part of Knocked Up was watching Seth Rogan's boys hanging out.

And one thing that I think lends a sort of charm to these groups is that there's usually one "loser"ish type among them, and he's still treated as one of the gang. I like the way Hannibal takes Murdock's insane concerns seriously; and that the boys laugh at Horshack's jokes; and that Drama is loved even though he's dumb as a stick.

These groups are sort of a nice balance between the importance of individuality, and the importance of community.

...Now if only there were some girl groups like this. There are lots of hilarious gangs of chicks in real life, but they don't make it into entertainment somehow. Buffy was a good mixed-sex gang, though it got better when they brought along Spike, for that contrast between Misfit and Cool Person.

ADDITION: Oh my days, my brother reminds me that I forgot The Marx Brothers! The original 4-funny-guys group!! Must find a video to add for them...


The Sweathogs in a debate "They're not people, Kotter!"


"Murdock Moments"

Johnny Drama "I am the game, pal."


Knocked Up "People think I'm smart because I talk in a robot voice."


The Marx Brothers "You gotta sing one of Chevalier's songs to get off this boat"

Anastacia: You're tripping if you're thinking I ain't gonna speak my mind!

Here's my make-up-for-Monday post. One of the "just be yourself" songs I loved this year.

Anastacia "The Way I See It"

One of these days I really need to use the term "you're tripping." Maybe to my boss. "Yo, you must be TRIPin' to think I'mma jump on cash!" (You know how much white people like self-aware hiphop speak.)



I won't apologize for bein' strong,
Cause that ain't wrong.
I don't know how to be nobody else but me.

Bill Haverchuck: My hero!

My weekend is now Tues-Wed, so I still can't seem to remember to post on Monday! Anyway...

If you've never seen the show Freaks and Geeks, well, really you must. It was a one-season-wonder that got canceled too soon and turned into an underground hit. It plays in reruns now on the gaming channel G4Tech. (Though I have it on dvd thanks to a couple fantastic girlfriends!) I guess the world just wasn't yet ready for Judd Apatow... or Judd Apatow in a 15 year old guise, rather than raunchy 20 year olds.

My favourite character on the show is Bill Haverchuck, cause he's completely un-self-conscious. His geek friend Neal has self-confidence, but he cares too much about being cool--he and Sam would like to be "in" they just don't know how. But Bill is the only one who seems to instinctively understand that the road to happiness isn't paved by popularity. He's the one with the guts to demand the gym teacher treat him with respect, the chutzpah to dress as Jamie Sommers for Halloween, and pride to tell off the hot chick when they get stuck in 7 Minutes in Heaven together.

Oh Bill. Definitely the precursor to Napoleon Dynamite.

(I'm all mixed up from my kooky work schedule. I just realized I posted on a Saturday. Oh well, I probably owed you.)

Advice #10 (like mambo #5)

Advice from writer Jennifer Crusie.

10. Own your greatness.
You are responsible for your own mental health.
The world will line up to tell you you’re worthless, you’re talentless, you’re tasteless, whatever. Don’t do its work for it. A good rule of thumb is that if the voices in your head are saying something you’d never let another person say to you, then that voice is out of line and should be evicted from your brain. (from her blog)

I want to be a Yusuf Islam!

From an article my mother sent me, about some guy trying to invent a new cat term for women:

This "cheetah" as defined by Morgan is a woman who sleeps around, often with her guy friends, taking advantage of the drunk ones in an attempt to "f#*k above her station". She's the predator looking for the guy at last call and inviting herself home with him. She uses the sex to try to wrangle her way into a long term commitment. And, of course, any type of guy who would commit to that type of girl, according to Morgan and his friends, would be a "totally pussy." (from care2.com)

I recommend checking out the author's other cat recommendations. (Not this Morgan guy, but the author of the critique.)

Lady Gaga - smarter than you think

I love Lady Gaga's outfits--she's one of the few stars wearing kooky stuff these days. She also strikes me as a pretty smart cookie, so I'm interested in the path her career takes.

"When I say to you, there is nobody like me, and there never was, that is a statement I want every woman to feel and make about themselves." (LA Times)

Which is more offensive: Alicia Keys' thighs, or your racism?

Oh look, a new site to hate: IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com. This one more than the others, because the people who post are so blatantly racist (and homophobic.) Shiver. I collected the following comments, and I only got about halfway down the page.

Huh... I never knew they made chocolate cottage cheese.
Well, I'm off to the supermarket.

It just be raining dark people today

in pic 2 she has the splendid glutes of the Steatopygia Secretus Rugmunchian tribe of Bostwana

kelly says hickory smoked honey hocks are a delicacy, and she'll have 2, please

she still works as a fantasy. when i'm fapfapfapping to a black girl, she always has a big fat ass. otherwise, what's the point.

Okay, okay, I think we've fulfilled the quota for today. Lets get back to thin white chicks, please.

babydoll, why don't you come over my place in Compton.
I'll get all up in your big, gigantic black ass! We'll order jewelry n rims on my credit card... and we won't pay for it. And then, when the bills pile up, I'll rob a liquor store... and the cycle will continue.

Which is apart from the comments about her weight:

if these pics are any indication, a world without "anorexics" would be a scary place

we missed the first picture of this sequence, when she dived into the pool and a little boy got water-cannoned up into a tree.

Both of them need to stop shoveling food in their fucking pieholes.

she's an ok singer but somebody needs to turn down the volume of her ass

Monday's Fail: Is fat the new green?

Getting busy at work, missing my blog deadlines again! To make it up to you, here's a pic my brother sent me:


Q: Which is greener, being obese and out of shape or slim and healthy?
A: Although obese people do consume slightly more energy than slim people, they will not live as long and therefore, will consume less of the earth's resources.

Fashion for the Afterlife

From the blog Saharan Vibe:

For the Ga tribe in coastal Ghana, funerals are a time of mourning, but also of celebration. Though Christian, the Ga maintain a strong tradition of animist belief that puts a special significance upon the power of symbols. The Ga people believe that when their loved ones die, they move on into another life and the Ga make sure they do so in style. They honor their dead with brightly colored coffins that celebrate the way they lived.

The coffins are designed to represent an aspect of the dead person's life such as a car if they were a driver, a fish if their livelihood was the sea, a soldier would select a gun-shaped coffin. or a sewing machine for a seamstress. They might also symbolize a vice such as bottle of beer for a heavy drinker or cigarette for a 'chimney' smoker.

Make sure to go look at the pictures! What would you like to be buried in? I'd like a writer's desk, complete with curled up cat.

Self-expression vs. Career?

One idea my generation has grown up with is the idea that your career has to be something you're passionate about, something you can love. I'm not sure where this idea came from... maybe just part of our self-help culture--you know, books, movies, talk shows all centered on becoming the real you, on expressing yourself, on living a passionate life.

Possibly we've been sold a bill of goods. Can we really find enough people passionate about cleaning to fill all the cleaning jobs out there? Most careers are likely to involve some compromise: close to home, or pays well, or good benefits, or good management, or some element or two that you really enjoy. The question is where do you make those trade-offs? At what point do you have to reign in so much of yourself that you can't do your job well? Or you become deeply frustrated?

I don't have the answer. But sometimes when I read about a talk show host like Wendy Williams--someone who makes her career on being "permeable, superpotent and with no observable boundaries" (New York Times)--I'm envious.

At the same time, some of the boundaries of our jobs might help us become better people. A boundary-less version of my personality might be completely unbearable. An asshole. So I don't regret the ways in which I've learned to hold back, to refine my approach, to not come on so strong. I think the same thing comes from living with someone, be that a romantic partner, a family member, or a roommate. It keeps us in check, sometimes in a good way.

But at the end of the day I'm always left with the question: Where's the line? At what point of Holding Back do I stop being moi?

Hm.

I wish I was Miss Piggy.

Letting the vagina out of the closet

I was just reading an article in the New York Times about the talk show host Wendy Williams, and it spurred two different thoughts. So I'll split them into two posts.

First, read this passage from the article:

Like a kooky media divinity, a god in a comic book myth, Williams, 45, is permeable, superpotent and with no observable boundaries. ... “I will let you know if I switch from a super tampon to a mini,” said Williams, who recently held a Kegel contest with her hairdresser and wardrobe mistress to see how long they could maintain a vaginal contraction. “We held for a full commercial break,” she said.

Now read this comment that was posted, cause I think this woman makes a good point:

Living in Texas, I have never heard or heard of Wendy Williams, but based on this article I can hardly wait to. She sounds like the female version of the locker room and I think it is time for vaginas to stop being relegated only to men's bull sessions and an unmentionable by others. If jock straps can be bantered about with no embarrasement, then tampons should be too. Women's bodies have been either dirty sex objects or just plain embarrasing long enough and it is time for women to stop allowing men to control how we view our own bodies. By the way, I am a 70 year old retired school teacher. There are a lot of women you wouldn't suspect out there who feel as I do.

The science of fashion

Did you know there's a math behind runway fashions? The blog Fashematics has figured out the secrets of the fashion universe. Check out the site for yourself.



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Dust off your hat box!

Rejoice boys--according to the New York Times top hats and capes are coming back into fashion. Good to see the boys getting some variety back in their wardrobes! Of course the trick will be pulling off this look without looking like a sociopath. Kubrick has possibly spoiled the bowler for all eternity.

Prom: The new wedding?

I already think the bridal market is INsane--the amount of money people spend on weddings is beyond ridiculous. And now apparently proms are going in the same direction?

"This has become a huge industry in a niche market and some people even think it will overtake the bridal market," said Elliot Kleiner from Prom Night Events. ... A survey of nearly 2,000 Australian students aged between 15 and 18 found that on average girls were spending $1,330 each on the big night while boys were spending an average of $840. (Reuters)

The one thing I'll say for spending lots of money on prom, as opposed to a wedding--you probably won't regret those memories. ...Provided you didn't sleep with an asshole that night.

I don't remember what my graduation dress cost me--my parents paid and we went to some discount outlet I think, because I didn't want to look like everyone else. Probably no more than $50. I had saved $100 for the prom itself, but decided to skip the party and go see Phantom of the Opera instead.

Preview for the weekend

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Oh Barbie, cover your head already!

There's some newsie-outrage going on over what everyone's calling "Burka Barbie." Here's the scoop from the Save the Children network:

The Truth About Barbie in a Burkha

Mattel, Save the Children Statement on Charity Auction of Barbie Dolls from Around the World

Recently, Italian artist and designer Eliana Lorena used Barbie as a model to showcase her interpretation of cultural dress from around the world. Barbie was literally her canvas and the outfits were the artist's personal expression.

Lorena's interpretation of Barbie in a Burkha was one of 500 different Barbie dolls, representing 500 different cultures, some of which were auctioned at a charity event. The proceeds of the event will go to Save the Children Italy and will help Save the Children's Rewrite the Future campaign to educate children in conflict areas around the world.

Barbie has no religious affiliation and Mattel has no plans to make commercial editions of the dolls. These dolls are not available for sale.

Somehow an artist setting out to represent women of various cultures around the world has turned into "Mattel is telling girls it's okay to be oppressed." It was an art exhibit, not a toy fair.

There is a Muslim doll, her name is Fulla. And I don't see anything more wrong with her than I do with the Barbia I grew up on, and the currently favoured Bratz. At the end of the day, girls will be more influenced by what their parents teach them--for good or for bad.

Sexualizing children -- wee! fun topic!

My dad sent me this good National Film Board documentary on the sexualization of children. It's about 30 minutes if you want to watch it--or I wrote some notes on the things that stood out for me.



* Bratz makes padded bras for girls? This is an old story I guess, but I'd never heard it.

* quote: "The real damage to girls is they're over-investing in image instead of their real interests and developing unique identities."

* porno has gone from being something marginalized to something massive, that infiltrates every area of life

* A male school nurse will ask children what's a sexual relationship, and they all describe porn type acts. When he asks "what about holding hands?" their response is "we can do that?" They have no reference points anymore.

* A doctor who treats under 18s -- girls will ask her things like "do we have to do it in all three holes?" etc. Hard for them to set limits about what healthy sexuality is. When you're 14 it's hard to have a Discussion with your boyfriend about sex.

* For boys, porn has become the standard. [And I was just thinking... it used to be that if guys got their hands on a porn magazine, or occasionally a movie, it was a Big Deal, a big secret! Which I think is probably fine, especially since pictures in a magazine are probably less damaging than the porn--if the first is more about seeing a naked woman, and the latter is more about how you're supposed to act around women.]

* You see an exercise where a woman has kids colour in an American Apparel ad where the woman is half naked -- they colour in clothes on her -- and then they mailed them back to AA. Very creative. I don't think it's wrong for children to see people naked--I prefer the idea of raising children to find naked bodies acceptable--but what a difference between that, and seeing the naked body purely as a sex object.

* One woman makes the point that the term "girl power" has been stolen. It originally meant (in the 70s) that girls can be anything they want. Now they can only be one thing--there's only one type of power being celebrated. [Ariel Levy's book Female Chauvinist Pigs is a great book on this topic.]

* The advice in the end is not to try to prevent your kids from seeing/consuming all these things, but to teach them to be critical of them. Which I agree with--forbidding things usually just makes them more tempting. And, this woman adds, remind them who they are, as a whole person.

Pictured below: Bratz babies. ...Because babies often wear eyeliner and mascara and lipstick, right?

Serious Style: My brother the army surgeon

Hmm. So I finished Nanowrimo on time, but now I'm having to do so many hours at work that I'm losing all sense of time.

So... here's a picture of my brother and I as children. Don't you love that little kids (provided their parents is cool) can wear whatever the hell they want? My brother's outfit is seriously stylin'. He looks like a character from M*A*S*H*.